i really thought I was doing well. I really thought that things were improving but only to get disappointed once again. I look… I’m afraid… I see.. Imperfections. So consumed with what others tell me that I don’t realize I’m a hot mess. I feel… I see ugliness. So consumed in the beauty of the ideal world and yet I can’t come to accept… Me. The girl looking in the mirror, is so lost yet she does not know it. I’m scared…. I hate failure but I know how it feels. I need you Lord. Please hear my cry.
Why are you so nervous What’s brought this on?
You’re not normally like this? Are you?
Why? You’ll be fine! Don’t
Everybody feels that way… It’s just a little phase.
I haven’t noticed you with anxiety before. Why’re you like this though?
Buck up! You’ll get over it.
You’re being paranoid.
Just when things could not get worse they do. It’s amazing how we all sometimes complicate our lives with the smallest and most stupidest things. Lately that is what has been happening to me. Instead of sometimes expressing my emotions in that moment, I tend to bottle up everything. I find it hard to actually say what is on my mind when I need to and I sometimes fall for the pathetic lie that I’m not good enough. Self esteem issues always find a way of creeping up to the point that I just feel so defeated. If it’s not my weight that I’m unhappy with it’s then my thighs, my hair, my eyes, my skin. If it’s not that then it’s my personality, my appearance, my way of talking.
But with all of this said why do I care about what others think? Should my happiness depend on them? No!I may not be you, but I am me. I found it more important to find the good in others than looking at W.H.A.T is wrong. It’s leads me to also say that as a person I’m not perfect as people disappoint me the way I disappoint them. Just because people disappoint us it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t surround ourselves with those who make us happy. Happiness is sometimes a choice we choose to make. I am W.H.AT I am.